Road Trip '09 Phlog

Typical Phoenix Backyard

I have been a lot of cool places during Spring Break. Florida, Washinton D.C., and Hawaii have been past destinations for my family and I. But this year was different. I was going to Phoenix...for the first time since I left after living there for a solid 4 years. I swore I would never miss Phoenix, but now that I live in the middle of rural Mormon nowhere, boy do I wish I still lived there.

A well-known fact about Arizona is that during the summer season, there is a tendency for the temperature on the ground to resemble the surface of the sun. Indeed, sweltering is not accurate enough. Yet it is a dry desert climate, which means that in the winter, it can actually get quite cold there. Spring Break time however, is the median between the two extremes and during this time you will not find better weather anywhere else. Luckily, this is exactly when I was there.

Why I was there in a different matter. My brother is considering Northern Arizona University as his beer pong headquarters and therefore a scheduled visit and tour was in order. Commence pretty old campus building picture dump.

While our quite attractive student tour guide led us around the fricken huge campus (it's seriously 1.5 miles end to end) I admired the scenery. The campus is beautiful, in a Smoky the Bear kinda way. Lots of trees and what I can only imagine as lots of furry woodland creatures. You'd never know you were in Arizona. Their mascot though? Could've used a few more brainstorming sessions.

Nothing like running around campus shirtless with suspenders and flannel pants am I right? Mascot aside, I'd seriously go there, you know, if they offered any degrees that interested me. Anyway, since NAU is in Flagstaff, it's just a hop down to Phoenix, our next destination. Nostalgic, I was looking forward to roaming the urban landscape in my vehicle once more. Then we arrived just in time for rush hour and I remembered again why driving around Phoenix during this time is a special circle of hell.

Eventually we arrived at my grandparents house in Surprise. Yes, they named a suburb Surprise, and no, there is nothing surprising about it. Unless an abundance of old retired people is your idea of a surprise. Surprise, like fellow 'urbs Peoria and Tempe, is home to various professional baseball teams spring training facilities. My mother, being a devoted Colorado Rockies fan (I know, weep for her) timed our visit to coincide with a spring training matchup between the Rockies and the Royals.

I can't stand watching baseball on TV, mostly because it's too slow and games go on so long. And there is so much lull in the action that the announcers have to make small talk with each other, which is cancer for my ears. On the other hand, I love going to the ballpark. Something about the atmosphere at a ballpark I guess. Spring training games are actually awesome to go to because for 10 dollars you get really awesome seats. This was my view of the "action"

The Rockies lost of course, because they suck, even compared the greek tragedy known as the Royals. I conforted my mother with the knowledge that this game means absolutely nothing and that she still had a few more weeks before the losses actually counted. (Why does baseball go on for so long? Seriously MLB, cut the number of games in half and don't start until June or something.)

The next day I was planning on meeting my old work cohorts for lunch. Of course, they all lived and worked in the Tempe/Chandler area, about as far away from Surprise as possible. Lunch was at a mongolian place where you pay for a bowl which you then proceed to fill with various raw meats, vegetables, and noodles. My friends taught me the proper technique, which detailed how to smash everything down to get as much in the bowl as possible and then constructing a sort of meat tower. Once you selected your ingredients, you handed your bowl over to several "cooks" who I can only assume were Mongolian (I mean, they have to be right?) and they throw your stuff onto a giant wok for a few minutes then hand it back to you. My old boss Nate, suggested I go with the orange Fanta as it complemented the food. His words were, "Fanta is ridiculous". I can only imagine the aspiring chefs in Mongolia taking sips of orange Fanta in between throwing random foodstuffs in a wok..."Oh yes, this beverage coupled with this food is most satisfying to the palate."

After lunch, my brother and I visited some old familiar places to reminisce. Arizona Mills mall was one such destination. This mall is so big, it's shaped like a race track, and it actually has numbered zones in it.

Mmmmmm, Capitalism!

And for the grand finale...

I used to live at a magical place. A magical place known only as Beautiful Lane. This fairytale cul-de-sac was the site of many shenanigans. There was the time I stained the driveway with car battery corrosion (see above). There was the time Rock Band was played so loud it shook the walls. I cannot begin to imagine the number of brave crickets felled on the premises. There was the man who only lived there a few days out of a month. But mostly, there was good times. Maybe TOO good.

Despite it being in Laveen, and Laveen being far away from anything interesting, I miss that place. I wonder if the new tenants have any idea what sort of crazy stuff my fellow authors and I inflicted on the property. Perhaps they wonder why the stairs have not one but two ass imprints in them. Maybe they wonder why the upstairs loft floor seems bent downwards. Why there are so many balls in the backyard? Why do only half of the lightbulbs in the entire house work? There is an answer to those questions, and the answer is: Awesomeness.

Imagine this picture, but with a LOT more weeds

And thus my great Phoenix road trip came to an end. But the adventure wasn't over yet. As we arrived at Flagstaff we got word from my dad that the way we usually come home is getting pounded with snow and will likely be closed. The only other way is to go east to New Mexico and then back north. So we do this, and run into the mother of all Haboobs. (The Native American term for sandstorm, and possibly what you are thinking) One sandcloud hit us so hard the sand came pouring through the car vents like smoke. The wind was blowing in gusts up to 90 mph! That's hurricane speed. It was absolutely insane. A trip that should have taken us 8-9 hours ended up taking more than 14 hours.

We're going in, hang on to your butts

April Fools Day

It is absolutely amazing how paranoid April Fool's Day makes everyone. When I got off work at 5 p.m. on that day so did most of the people I work with. Well everyone was walking to their car and everyone did a walk around of their car. They were looking for any sign that a prank had been pulled on their car. Rightfully so, there were several pranks pulled on people. I managed to sneak through the day unscathed. I played the role of assistant to the prankster. I managed to help people arrange keys on keyboards, change mouse button configurations, fill peoples lockers with shredded documents. One person was even fired, complete with his access badge losing its privileges. I also helped in a failed attempt at a scavenger hunt for the bulbs for the desk lamps. The scavenger hunt was for the night crew who like to use the desk lamps. They weren't in the mood to go hunting for the light bulbs. Which means people are going to be finding random clues around the office for the next week or so.

Back to the paranoia caused by this day. It's a given that what you read on the Internet on 4/1 is 98% a lie. It was carrying over into the work place, at least where I work. When a manager would call and ask one of us to do a job, we would question whether it was a real task or a prank. Unfortunately, they were asking us to do work. Oh well, there's always next year.